It has always been you
by taliamellark
Summary: They could only save Peeta from the arena after Katniss fired the arrow to blow up the forcefield. Katniss is taken hostage by the Capitol. She is saved, but she comes back tortured and hijacked. Can Peeta survive a life without her, or will he do anything in his power to make her remember? Alternates between Peeta and Katniss POV.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi all, this is my first THG fanfic and the first fanfic I have written for about four years. This may be a little rusty but I wanted to see how I would go. The characters have similar traits and background stories as the original THG. I do not own any of the characters or ideas, only my own writing. The characters may tend to be a little OOC. Rated M only for possible lemons in later chapters. This takes place after the Quarter Quell and Peeta is saved and taken back to 13 while Katniss has been kidnapped by the Capitol._

**(Peeta's POV)**

Empty. That is how I have felt ever since the hovercraft had saved me from the ruined arena that held the 75th annual Hunger Games. I question myself every second of every day as to why they saved me instead of Katniss. No, scratch that. It's more _I wish_ that it wasn't me they saved. Haymitch explained to me in the nicest way he could that it was a mistake that Plutarch had saved me and not Katniss. There were too many fallen trees, fire and ashes blocking their view and I was in clear sight so…I was saved and she wasn't. The girl I was unconditionally in love with was captured by the Capitol and I did not even know if she was still alive. I had been brought back to District 13 and Katniss had been taken hostage by the Capitol. The thought could not escape my head, I thought about it over and over. I am the boy that would do_ anything_ to save her.

But I didn't.

I didn't save her.

She was probably getting tortured to death right this second if she weren't dead already, and I am sitting here hiding away doing absolutely nothing about it. Many times I had tried to convince Coin to send in a rescue mission for her and I always got the same response: 'It's too risky Peeta, when the time is right we will.'

What the hell was she waiting for? For Snow to publicly announce that they were torturing Katniss to try and get information from her? Their efforts would be pointless as neither of us had known anything about the rebellion or District 13. Katniss would not even know that it still existed and functioned. They had welcomed myself and the surviving members of District 12 with open arms. This had surprised me at first, but then I realized they needed the population size as they had lost people from some sickness. I really hadn't been listening. Most of the time I tuned things out and this wasn't a usual trait of mine. I often liked to listen to people and care about things but right now, the only thing that was on my mind was the fact that Katniss was probably getting tortured right now and Coin would not do anything to save her. From what Haymitch had told me, Coin was thrilled by the idea that the Capitol had captured Katniss because it gave the rebels something to fight for; it made them want to bring down the Capitol even more for hurting the Mockingjay.

Time was not something that I had made myself aware of after the Quarter Quell. My arm was tattooed every day with a schedule that I did not comply to. Coin initially was not concerned with my lack of obedience as my doctor had diagnosed me as being 'mentally disorientated.' However, now I could see that she was growing impatient. I don't know if she wanted prepare me to send me into a battlefield or not, but I knew eventually I would not need to spend my days hiding and eventually come out and do something.

I sucked in a sharp breath and stretched out my aching limbs. I had been curled up in a cupboard somewhere discreet and had not moved since I found the place after eating breakfast. I knew that if I did not step up, the girl I loved may not ever return. If Coin was truly happy with Katniss being held captive just so it could aggravate the rebels even more, I would make sure to put a stop to it immediately. I slowly crawled out my hiding space. Once I was in the clear from my small cave, I stood up and stretched only to return to having my shoulders slumped. I used to be able to stand with my back straight and face anything that came my way but now I was just too broken to do anything. I began to walk through the corridors, my pace quickening as I got closer and closer to where Coin would be. I arrived outside her door within minutes, surprised at how quick I had made my way here. I took a slow, deep breath before opening the door.

"Is there a reason why you still haven't thought of a plan to rescue Katniss and the other victors?" I snapped at Coin, who sat in her large chair next to Boggs, clearly discussing something. She whipped around to stare at me, her cold eyes glaring into mine. I always wondered how she managed to get her silvery white hair in such a dead straight line.

"Actually, we have already sent out a rescue team for them. They left this morning. You would know if you showed up to our meetings."

Had I really missed the meetings? Or had I just not been made aware? Suddenly, her words sank in and my blood began to boil.

"Why the hell wasn't I told about this?! Why wasn't I part of this?!" I yelled back, not usually losing my temper but this was about saving the girl I loved.

"We didn't want to send you out in the state that you're in. You're not physically or mentally prepared for anything right now so we decided not to inform you because we know that if we did, you would not have stayed back." Boggs explained, his voice was always strangely calm. Despite his calm voice, this still angered me though because I knew that if it were to save Katniss, I would be able to pull myself out of the state I was in. I quickly turned on my feet, slamming the door behind me. I did not want to release my anger on them because I knew that it wouldn't make anything better. I glanced at the time and gathered there was enough time before breakfast for me to lay down again. Not that I needed it. I knew that I needed to stay up and move around but I really couldn't care less because something else had dawned on me as I made my way back to my compartment. I fell onto my bed, groaning loudly as the mattress wasn't exactly soft. I buried my face in the pillow and pulled my thin sheet of blanket over my head.

There was one person that I knew would make sure he was on that rescue team and I knew that he was mentally and physically fit enough to do it. Gale. Katniss' best friend and probably even more, or so I had heard. I knew that she had developed some sort of feelings towards him. I figured that since he was the one that was going to rescue her, her feelings would probably grow stronger towards him. In reality, I did not even know if she had any feelings towards me at all since our whole love façade had been for the cameras. However, in the arena during the Quarter Quell I could have sworn that she looked at me differently, sworn that there was real love and tenderness in her kiss.

Oh god! Her lips…How I missed her lips against mine even if they were fake kisses. I still clung desperately to each kiss she laid on my lips. I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my ears with my hands to try and stop myself from thinking about her but it was no use. I couldn't cover my ears from hearing the words inside my head. If Katniss were to be rescued, then it wouldn't matter if she decided to be with me or with Gale or with nobody. She would be safe and ultimately that is what matters.

I did not even realize I had fallen asleep until someone shook me awake. I lunged forward, ready to attack the tribute that was surely going to kill me. It took me a moment to realise that it was Haymitch I was looking at and that I wasn't in the arena. I really needed to stop thinking I was still fighting for my life every time I woke up. Haymitch didn't say anything about my aggressiveness as he was used to waking up too thinking he was still trapped in the arena. He waited till I had calmed down before speaking.

"She's back."

My heart began to beat rapidly and I tried to move my lips but nothing came out. I wanted to ask how she was and as though he had read my mind, he responded.

"I don't know if she'll make it."

I felt the world slip away beneath me as my head fell into my pillow.

* * *

_Feel free to review. Once again, I apologize for it not being good but I really wanted to give it a try and see if I could find myself in writing again. I hope you all enjoy :) The chapter is quite short but I just wanted to produce something to see if people would like it in the first place. Thank you :) _


	2. Chapter 2

I rolled over in bed, slightly letting my eyes flutter open before letting them drift shut once again. I just wanted to go back into my slumber so that I could wait for Katniss to come back- Katniss.

Katniss was back.

The rescue mission had worked.

My eyes flew open and I shot up into a sitting position. They had given me a room to myself which was very unlikely here in District 13 but usually during the night I would wake up several times screaming and eventually people got tired of sharing a room with me. Actually, I was quite taken back by the fact that I had not had a nightmare just then.

Had they sedated me into such a deep sleep that I dreamt of nothing? I did not even know how much time had passed. Since there were no windows here and for the simple fact that we were underground, I had never really been able to tell the time. I glanced up at the clock to read that it said 6 o'clock. Whether it was AM or PM, I did not know.

Very slowly, I stood up. I took a few deep breaths to attempt to calm myself. Before I knew it, I felt my feet racing towards the hospital ward. I was determined to see Katniss. Haymitch's words lingered in my ears '_I don't know if she'll make it.'_

The words repeated over and over in my mind and my heart beat increased rapidly. I turned the corner which would lead me to the hospital and was knocked off my feet when I slammed into Finnick. He lent out a hand to help me up and I quickly pulled myself up.

"Sorry, I didn't see you coming." He spoke in almost a monotone. I glanced up at him, his eyes were red and puffy and it looked like he hadn't slept in a while.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. My mind had been so caught up on whether or not Katniss was safe, I had completely forgotten that the Capitol had captured other tributes as well; Johanna, Enobaria and Annie. Annie was and still is, Finnick's true love.

When Katniss and Finnick had been trapped during the Quarter Quell in the section that held the jabberjays, Annie is the screams he had heard coming from the birds that made him almost break. The Capitol had a completely sick and twisted way of getting things done and it made me sick to think that I had been a part of their games.

"She's…She's in a bad state but she is alive and for that I am forever grateful. It just breaks my heart to see her and know that they…that they…"

I knew what he was talking about and understood why he did not want to finish his sentence. I could see the anger building up inside of him. I did not want to get him more aggravated by talking about it.

"I'm going to see Katniss." I spoke softly, pretending not to notice his worried expression at my words. Did that mean that Katniss really may not survive? I did not want to think that was a possibility. I heard Finnick trudge off slowly down the hallway. I had never seen him this sad before, usually he was always able to see the bright side of things. But then again, usually I could always see the bright side and I had not seen the light in months.

I hurried towards the emergency department, vaguely remembering that was they had kept me when I was rescued and injured. I wasn't even sure if she would be there but it was the only place my jumbled mind could think of at the moment. I was sedated most of the time I was in here so I didn't quite know my way around.

I pushed my way through the doors and into a room. My eyes scanned the crowded room, Prim and her mother were weeping in a corner, Haymitch stood against the wall with his eyebrows burrowed in frustration. No sign of Gale. The rest of the room was filled with doctors that I didn't know, perhaps they had treated me. I hadn't paid much attention.

My heart sank as I glanced past Prim and Katniss' mother for the second time. They did not look like tears of happiness. As though she knew I was looking at her, Prim turned towards me. Unexpectedly, she jumped up off her mother's lap and ran into me, almost knocking me down. My prosthetic leg really wasn't working well with me lately.

She wrapped her arms around me and cried into my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her, not knowing what else to do other than comfort her. Looking down at her, I noticed the few droplets of water that had seeped into her white shirt. I hadn't even realized I was crying.

"Is she…" I couldn't seem to make out the words. I couldn't ask if she was dead. What if the girl I was in love with was dead? There would be no more reason to live.

Prim pulled away and wiped her eyes, giving me a small smile. That had to be a good sign…right?

"She's alive, Peeta. But she isn't doing well." Her voice was a mere whisper and she nodded towards a door I hadn't even noticed.

"She's in there but I wouldn't…"

By the time she had finished her sentence, I was already on the other side of the door.

Now I understood why she didn't want me to walk in.

I dropped to my knees, my muscles were frozen solid and I couldn't move.

Katniss was covered in bandages that were already stained by her blood seeping from underneath. There were various machines attached to her, all beeping at a steady pace. I could only just see her face enough to know that it was bruised, scratched and scarred. If you did not know her well enough from the colour of her hair, it would probably be tough to recognize her. Although she did not look too bad, I was sure the bandages were covering up much more severe wounds that I couldn't bear to see.

I wasn't a doctor, but I knew well enough that she was slipping further from life and getting closer to death.

* * *

_I know I know, a pretty short chapter again. I apologize. I just want to see if people liked it first, otherwise I was thinking of writing a different story line perhaps. For those that reviewed, thank you because it gave me the motivation to write another chapter. I'm a bit lost inside my head and I'm finding it very hard to put the story in my head into words but I hope I'm doing well enough. I promise I will improve! Thank you, please feel free to review :) _


	3. Chapter 3

Eventually, I had gained enough strength to move back into a standing position. I turned my head to see if anyone else was in the room with me but no one was. I stared into the mirror attached to the wall ahead of me, knowing that although no one was in the room, people would be watching my every move through the two-way mirror.

I wanted nothing but to look at her and be happy that she was here and not in the Capitol but I just couldn't seem to be able to find happiness in the state that she was in. I couldn't bear to look at how mangled she seemed to be, how translucent her skin had become. How much blood had she lost?

Would she even survive? I didn't know.

My eyes scanned the room to see if there was anything I could sit on. I spotted a chair in the corner. I walked towards the chair and placed it on the side of the hospital bed. Swallowing harshly, I slowly sat down. The chair creaked a little as I put my full weight on it.

I wasn't entirely sure if I could touch her but her hand looked relatively safe. There was a needle poking into it but other than that, there were no bandages so I figured she was safe to touch there.

Carefully, I placed my hand underneath hers. I winced at the feeling of her skin. Somehow her skin still felt impossibly soft. The feeling of her hands brought back many memories, many times had I intertwined my fingers in hers. Some for the camera, some for comfort. She made no movement as I softly caressed her hand.

Tears began to unwillingly stream down my face. I wasn't used to crying this much. Usually I could keep my composure but something about Katniss always made me come undone. I was terrified that she wouldn't make it.

"Hi." I whispered, not knowing exactly what I was hoping for. She clearly had too much morphine pumping through her system for her to be awake. That made me glad though because I did not want her to feel any of the pain. I did not want her to ever feel pain again. She had suffered enough.

"I know you can hear me…" I spoke slowly and carefully. "Well at least I hope you can."

"I've missed you…I've missed you so much Katniss. It has been absolute hell here without you and I have hardly been able to survive. I know you don't like hearing this but Katniss…I love you. I really do. I'm so sorry that…that they saved me instead of you." My words were coming out all jumbled together, the tears were now making the bed sheets damp. I didn't care if the doctors outside saw me crying.

"Please c-come back to me. I can't do this without you. We were meant to look after each other and I failed. I'm so so sorry Katniss." The lump in my throat made it hard for me to speak.

I sat silently for hours, watching the rise and fall of her chest. I didn't know what else to do. I knew that if I went to lunch I would not be able to eat although my stomach was growling fiercely. The tears had finally stopped. My eyes were stinging. My mouth was dry. My limbs screamed at me to stand up and stretch them but I could not move. I couldn't be any further away from her than I already was.

I jumped, startled from hearing the door open. I turned my head to see who it was, wincing from the sharp pain that ran from my neck to my shoulder. I tried my best to hide my annoyed expression but obviously it had not worked as Gale laughed gently.

"Not happy to see me hey?"

It's not that I particularly disliked Gale. I knew he was a good person that took care of Katniss and her family for a long time. More than I ever did. However, I was easily jealous of his relationship with Katniss. I could probably never hunt like he did. Never have that connection with her. I knew that he played a big part in her life so I tried my best to be nice to him.

"Sorry, I'm just not in the best mood. They didn't exactly fill me in about the rescue. You know that I would have come along to help." I replied, surprised at how calm my voice was.

"Why, so that Katniss could fall in love with you because you rescued her?" He snapped and I was shocked.

Where the hell was this coming from?

"Because I don't think even that would make her love you."

Anger boiled in my blood and my fists clenched together tightly. I stood up, almost knocking the chair down. My lips pressed into a tight line.

"She never did love you; it was all for the cameras and you know that. So why are you even bothering to wait around for her? It is not like she is going to wake up and all of a sudden be in love with you." His words were cold and harsh. Of course I knew this but didn't mean I needed to hear it.

"I don't care if she wakes up and doesn't feel the way I do about her. Doesn't change the way I feel towards her. I just want her to wake up and be okay." I said in return, letting each word linger. I needed to keep my cool otherwise I would probably end up attacking him. He had been in training ever since they arrived in District 13 and I knew I was in no condition to fight him. Not that I cared if I lost to a fight with Gale, I just did not want to end up in a hospital bed and be restricted from being next to Katniss.

His lips pulled up into a smirk and I had to look away. God, he was pissing me off. What the hell was his problem? When had he become like this? I knew that he had his own feelings towards Katniss but it was more likely for her to choose him anyway. Did he really need to rub it in my face?

"Ha, as if you care whether or not she wakes up. You let her go off with Johanna. _You_ let her get taken by the Capitol."

"You're right." I admitted, slumping back into the chair. "I should not have let her out of my sight."

I dropped my head into my hands, covering my face. I was the reason she got taken. If we had been together then maybe we both could have been saved.

"Peeta, that's not true," Spoke a familiar voice. I turned my head to see who it was. I had not even noticed that Plutarch had stepped into the room. "Everything happened so fast. We could not see her from the hovercraft. You were in plain sight. So we rescued you along with Finnick and Beetee. Katniss must have been hidden by a fallen tree or something. She is here now. I have faith that the Doctors here can help her. I heard them speaking outside. They said that since she has kept her heart beating this long, it's a miracle that she's still alive but there's a high possibility that she will stay alive. The first few hours she had got here were critical but she seems to be stable enough now."

His last words warmed my heart and for the first time in a while, a smile spread across my face. It wasn't a definite answer but it gave me hope. Hope was all I needed to keep me calm until she woke up. Whether she loved me or not, there was a high chance that she would stay alive and that was absolutely perfect to me.

Gale rolled his eyes, mumbling, "Whatever helps you sleep at night," as he walked out. I hung my head, his words still lingering in my mind. I knew that she didn't love me like I loved her…but I knew that she still loved me in her own way. I was her friend and that was good enough for me.

"Don't listen to him, Peeta. He's just bitter because he knows Katniss feels something towards you. He's jealous. Anyway, I need to head off to a meeting in regards to making a new propo for the Mockingjay. We need to show Panem that we have her back and that she is still alive."

I stared at him in disbelief. All they wanted to do was film her and expose her in this state. Without saying another word, he left the room.

I couldn't believe these people.

Weeks passed and I never left her side, only to eat, sleep and shower. Some nights when I got really down, they allowed me to stay in the room with her but most of the time they made me return to my room. After I would shower and eat breakfast, I was allowed back into her room. I would leave to eat lunch and dinner but only if someone would stay with her. I didn't want her to wake up alone. Most of the tubes had been removed; she now only had a few now. I was guessing those ones were what kept her stable while she slept. Most of her bandages had been removed, apart from one that was wrapped around her forehead.

The doctors did not know exactly when she would wake up, but they were expecting it. They were slowly reducing the amount of morphine that pumped through her veins. They wanted her to wake up, mainly so they could film their precious propo. Myself, Prim, Katniss' mother and Haymitch had argued with Coin and Plutarch about filming her while she was in hospital and to wait till she actually looked…well…_alive. _They had unwillingly agreed because they knew we were most likely right. We just didn't want her being exposed to the country like this.

They did, however, broadcast that she was alive and getting better by the minute.

I felt more at ease holding her hand in mine. I struggled to look at her though. It had been weeks yet the huge bruises that painted her body were only just starting to fade. There were scars all over her body. Well really I couldn't see these, except for along her arms, because her body was covered in a hospital gown and sheet but Prim had told me they were there. She also had burns across her thighs and stomach.

"Peeta, its lunch time. Come on, you go and I'll stay with her." I knew that voice from anywhere.

"Alright Haymitch, I am pretty hungry." I reluctantly agreed, giving into my growling stomach. This morning I had skipped breakfast.

I slowly stood, reaching out to softly caress her cheek with the back of my fingers before turning quickly on my feet and walking out. If I didn't leave in a hurry, I knew I would not be able to leave her at all.

I headed straight to the dining hall, just wanting to quickly eat so that I could go back to Katniss. I located the spot Finnick, Annie and Johanna sat and headed towards them after grabbing my meal. Annie and Johanna were not completely released from hospital yet due to their mental state, but they were physically well enough to eat in the dining hall.

"Hey guys," I smiled at them, placing my tray on the table and sitting myself near Johanna.

Annie gave me a soft smile in return before burying her face into Finnick's shoulder.

"Hey man, how is she doing?" Finnick asked, looking at me sincerely. I knew he understood how I felt because Annie had been captured and tortured by the Capitol as well.

"Yeah, she is better…The doctors think that she will be waking up soon." I replied and then began to eat my meal of stew accompanied by a generously sized bread roll.

"I'm surprised she is even alive to be honest. What they did to us, they did triple the amount to her."

I grimaced at Johanna's comment. I did not want to think about the type of things they did to her because it only angered me. In a way, it was a good thing because it made me even more eager to bring down the Capitol.

"I want to start training." I announced, not responding to Johanna. "Do you think they'll let me?" I asked Finnick. I was determined to begin training. I wanted to be there to help fight when the Captiol gets defeated. I did not want them to think of me as mentally and physically unstable.

"Of course, they have wanted you to start for a while." He replied, flashing a smile. "I'll be looking forward to seeing you in training again then." I nodded at him, smiling as well.

"Right well then, just ignore me Peeta, whatever!" Johanna rolled her eyes before standing and lifting her tray. "I'm going to spend the rest of my day in bed dreaming about the moment I get to see Snow get killed." She shot us a smile, turned and quickly walked away.

We sat in silence for a while, eating the stew and bread slowly. I didn't particularly want to talk and Finnick and Annie seemed to not mind the silence.

From the lack of conversation, I was able to hear the thump of footsteps behind me. I whipped my body around to see who it was at the exact moment she reached the table. It was Prim. She had a half happy half worried look painted on her face.

"She's awake."


	4. Chapter 4

My breath caught in my throat. There were questions bubbling at the tip of my tongue but I was unable to speak.

_Is she okay? _

_Is she going to stay alive? _

_Did she ask for me? _

_Does she remember me? _

I so badly wanted to speak but I just couldn't. I wanted to stand up and run to her and hold her in my arms and tell her that everything would be okay but I could not move. My muscles were frozen.

Was I scared that she would resent me for not coming to save her right away? She wouldn't think that way…right?

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I did not realize that all eyes were on me. I figured the people in the dining hall knew what was going on from the expression on both my face and Prim's.

I swallowed, beginning to feel as though my stew wanted to make another appearance.

"Peeta, go see her." Finnick's words snapped me out of my trance. I stood carefully, not bothering to take my tray to the rubbish. I couldn't think of anything but wanting to see her.

"Come on Peeta, follow me." Prim spoke calmly and I nodded, following closely behind her towards the hospital.

"Who else knows?" I asked quietly.

"Mum, the doctors, Coin, Plutarch, Haymitch…and you."

"Does Gale know?" I knew that I had absolutely no right to want them to withhold information from Gale. He had known her for most of her life and helped to keep her and her family alive. However, after the unusual talk we had had weeks ago when Katniss was first returned into hospital, I was a little sceptical over being in the same room with him.

"Not yet, he is with Beetee down in Special Defence and they are working on something. They do not want to interrupt them but Peeta…you must understand that we need to tell him. He would find out anyway."

I couldn't argue with Prim, I simply just nodded in response.

My heart picked up its pace when we stood outside the doors of the room that held her.

Katniss Everdeen.

The girl on fire.

The Mockingjay.

A mixture of emotions built inside of me, my heart was racing and my mind was a mess.

My hand found the doorknob and with a quick swift movement, I had opened the door and walked steadily towards her.

She looked slightly disorientated and confused. She had been moved into an upright position. Her mother sat on a chair next the bed with Haymitch standing near her. There were a few doctors scribbling on notepads on the other side of Katniss.

Katniss' eyes finally landed on my own. A wide smile spread across my face as I took another step forward, wanting nothing more than to hold her in my arms. I was unable to read the flicker of emotions that painted her face because I was so lost in happiness to finally be able to feel her embrace. At first, she had returned that smile but suddenly her expression changed. She hastily stepped out of bed and I opened my arms to welcome her into them.

Reality hit me hard the moment she did. She had slapped me so hard; I was surprised she even had the strength in her. I thought this was simply because I had not been the one to save her, but I was completely wrong. Katniss began to scream harsh words at me while sinking her nails into my flesh, clawing at my face and neck. I froze, not knowing how to react.

She pulled her face back for a moment and stared harshly into my eyes. They were no longer the grey colour they once were. They were clouded with a darkness that I could not explain.

Haymitch and the doctors attempted to restrain her but not before she could throw in another scratch underneath my eye. I was still frozen in shock, completely unable to move.

I felt the blood trickle down from underneath my eye and felt some oozing from the scratches on my neck as well.

I stood in horror as I watched them hold her down on the bed. She was thrashing around violently.

"You're a filthy mutt! You raped me! Your monster was growing inside me but I'm sure it's dead now! District 12 is gone because of YOU!" She screamed, still trying to break free to surely lunge at me.

"Peeta, leave, NOW!" Haymitch ordered. I complied and turned quickly on my feet, out the door and down the hall. I walked and walked, not bothering to stop. I heard Prim and her mother calling out for me but I didn't care.

I stopped abruptly when I spotted a supply closet that I often used as a hiding place. Without worrying to look around to see if anyone was there, I stepped into the closet and shut the door. I sunk to the floor and put my head in my hands. My prosthetic leg made a noise as I dropped to the ground and once again, I felt sick. I did not want anything on me that the Capitol had given me.

What had I done to make her hate me? Why had she called me a mutt?

She knew that she was not pregnant and that I had announced it in last attempt to stop the Quarter Quell from taking place. I felt sick to the stomach when I remembered that she had said I had _raped _her. Why was she saying stuff like that? Had they done something to change her? What had they done?

My blood was hot beneath my skin. I was angry and sad and confused and a mixture of emotions that I could not understand. My hands balled into fists and I began punching the wall. Blood started to stain the wall but I only kept going.

* * *

**KATNISS POV **

There were too many unfamiliar faces surrounding me. I was strapped to the hospital bed and I could only vaguely remember why. I had attacked Peeta.

There was a war going on in my head and I was powerless to stop it. Why had I attacked Peeta?

Because he was a filthy mutt that caused everything, that's why. If he didn't manipulate me to keep him safe during the first Hunger Games, I would have won and nothing would have changed.

_NO. That was not true._

I shook my head, trying to rid the poisonous that clouded my thoughts. The motion made me dizzy. I lay in silence as the doctors jotted words on their notepads. My mother, Prim and Haymitch had been told to leave the room due to my outburst.

_Deep down inside I knew that I did not hate Peeta. _

Yes, I do. I hate him.

_No, I loved him. The moment that Peeta hit the force field in arena, the moment I had thought he was dead, I realized that I loved him. Not as a friend, but I truly loved him. _

Or did I? No, that was just Peeta manipulating me so that he could save his own life.

I squeezed my eyes shut and my breathing started to rapidly increase. Did I actually love him? A part that was buried deep within me knew that I loved him. I had just been too naïve to let myself feel it and now I did not even know if it was real or not.

I was so confused. I hated him. It was his fault that District 12 burned to the ground, his fault that I got tortured in the Capitol.

_No, it wasn't. _

There was one thing that I was certain of though and that was the safety of my family. My mother and Prim were safe. Gale was safe.

Gale! Why had he not come to see me yet? Prim had told me that he was the reason that many people from District 12 were still alive. They escaped because of him. Oh how I had missed my best friend. There were no confusing thoughts that surrounded him.

_He is not the one you love. _

There were so many questions that I wanted to ask but there was no recognizable faces in the room. The doctors that surrounded me all had concern etched into their features.

I groaned in pain, I think I could physically feel the morphine fade away. I tried to lie on my side so that I could curl up into a ball but that caused a fire to burn in my ribs. Every inch of my body ached. I threw my head to the side, screaming into my pillow. It felt like acid was racing through my veins. I had not felt like this in a long time.

A few things happened simultaneously. The morphine entered my bloodstream, numbing the poision that flowed through me. I remembered when I felt the very unique agony; it was when I was held hostage in the Capitol. I was awake for long enough to hear Haymitch burst through the door.

"We need your assistance, one of you. We found the boy. He's not…"

Those were the last words I heard before I sank deep into the bed, through the floor and into the warm ground. The place where only my nightmares could reach me.

* * *

_Hey guys, thank you for the kind reviews. Please feel free to review and I will try and get the next chapter going soon. I hope you all enjoy. Thank you! :)_


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